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The Tempest / Bouře William Shakespeare

The Tempest / Bouře

William Shakespeare

Published 2005
155 pages
Enter the sum

 About the Book 

The Tempest, abridged.*or maybe not so abridged. But in my defense, this play is really fucking complicated*MIRANDA: So, um, Daddy, did you notice that huge-ass storm that just crashed a ship on the shore of our previously deserted island?PROSPERO: Wow, is it exposition time already? Okay, kiddo, listen up: I used to be the duke of Milan, but then my asshole brother and the King of Naples put you and me on a boat and we ended up here on Wherever-The-Hell-Island, but luckily its full of spirits who apparently didnt have anything better to do, so I made them crash the boat, which holds my brother, the king, his son, and some other guys. Now I will exact my revenge...somehow.MIRANDA: *is asleep*PROSPERO: Works every time. Hey, Ariel!ARIEL: Hi, great and noble master! Am I allowed to stop being your magical slave yet? I mean, twelve years of service...PROSPERO: Dont be silly. So did you separate all the wreck survivors like I told you?ARIEL: Yep! So, seriously, you said you were going to free me like five years ago...PROSPERO: Cool. Go torment Caliban for a while, wouldja?CALIBAN: GAAARRRFNARGLERAAAHSYCORAX *teethgnash**hey, lets see what everyone else is doing! And good luck keeping track of whos who!*FERDINAND: Hey, Im the kings son, and youre fucking hot.MIRANDA: Thanks! And since the only two men Ive ever seen are my dad and a deformed monster, I can only assume that you are also hot.FERDINAND: We should totally get married. Only if youre a virgin, though.MIRANDA: Whats that?FERDINAND: Oh man, I hit the fucking jackpot.ANTONIO: So, we should probably kill the king now.SEBASTIAN: Sure thing.ARIEL: *MAGICSMASH!* Bibbity bobbity boo! Scared shitless now are you!TRINCULO: Hey everbody, Im tanked out of my mind, and therefore hilarious.STEPHANO: Me too! Oh, what silly hijinks we will get up to!CALIBAN: Glorious foreigners! Help me overthrow my cruel imperialist master, I beg of you!STEPHANO: Wait, I dont get it. One minute youre gross and creepy, and then you get all eloquent and sympathetic.TRINCULO: Yeah, are you supposed to represent Shakespeares approval or disapproval of colonization?CALIBAN: NO TIME FOR ANALYSIS THE FAIRIES ARE PINCHING ME AGAIN.*they attempt a takeover. Thanks to Ariel,it fails. Hilariously.*PROSPERO: So, I guess everything turned out okay! Now to ceremoniously discard my magic staff and book, in a gesture that will cause endless debate in the future over whether this represents Shakespeares withdrawal from the playwrighting world!HISTORIANS AND ENGLISH MAJORS: GAAAAAH WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!?SHAKESPEARE: Hey, I had to take time off for my hobbies. All those personal papers and concrete proof that I existed arent gonna burn themselves, you know.HISTORIANS AND ENGLISH MAJORS: *facedesk*THE END.Read for: Perspectives on Literature